It Ain't Baseball

My general rule for evaluating wait staff performance is the 2 strikes you're out rule. That's right, TWO. It ain't baseball; we're not eating hotdogs and drinking beer people. This is serious dining; the stakes are high. And if you can't play the game, get out of the dining room.

The strikes can add up pretty fast, and with only 2 to spare it can be painful when you're stuck with a rookie waiter. Here's a great example from an actual dinner I endured the other night:

STRIKE 1: waiter didn't mention the dinner specials (the king of the menu hierarchy). They were listed on a chalkboard, but he clearly expected us to read up on those on our own. All the delighful dishes we missed out on! A real tragedy!

STRIKE 2: Pancetta and bruschetta are two very different things, which is why I suggest a-nun-ci-at-ing them properly. Our waiter didn't, so when my pancetta-laden soup showed up, without bruschetta, I had to wait for a new bowl of soup to be prepared, minus the cubes of pork.

STRIKE 3: If you don't know about wine, don't pretend. Just bring a darn sample over and spare us the vague commentary.

I could go on, but then I'd have to deal with all the hate mail about how merciless I am..which is simply not true! I just want you all to keep your standards high, and never feel sheepish about letting your tip "tip them off" to some ways to improve their game. Ouch!